this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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