ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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