god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
