So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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