i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
