it hurts more in the daytime
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
