i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize