Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
