Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
