oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
