there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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