How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
