He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
