whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
