I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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