Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
