Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
