Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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