im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
