I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize