He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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