Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
