Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
