i would punch a child for taco bell
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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