Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
