If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
