He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize