i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Someone came in the potted fern
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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