im six kinds of drunk right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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