Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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