He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
