Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
