I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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