I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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