i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
