Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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