I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
