I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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