My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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