just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So squirting runs in the family.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
