So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
