i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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