I should be sponsored by Trojan
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
