my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
