Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
