Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
