Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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