tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
