My brain says no but my pants say off.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
