Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
