Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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