so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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