in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
