I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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