Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
