don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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