he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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