Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
