Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am available for nakedness
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
