well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
