i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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