Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
