Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
